I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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