We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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