We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
