How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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