Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
