Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
