And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
