I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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