when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
