I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
did you just send me my own nude
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
