Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
