I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
