just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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