I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
