i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
