need another drink. this is the easiest way
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
