Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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