Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
