he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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