I faked an abortion last night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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