I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
