You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
