3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
