I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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