I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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