I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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