dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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