Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
