That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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