Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
