Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
