I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I could fuck to npr.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
