It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
