Are we in a gay sports bar?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
