Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
