return my video game
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
