so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
