I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
