i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
