Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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