I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
