The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
