The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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