I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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