Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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