Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
