sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
