I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
