your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
