and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
