Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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